50 Way To Kill Lord Voldemort
by The Sane-est One
Summary: You all hate voldemort dont ya? i couldent help but make this
1. UNlucky charms

Disclaimer: I own nothing that comes into this story

"My lord" muttered Malfoy, bowing to Voldemort,

"Kill potter" Voldemort said,

"Yes master" Malfoy said

"Mm lucky charms" Voldemort said, eating lucky charms.

"My lord?" Malfoy said, as Voldemort ran past him, laughing like a madman. Voldemort ran into the wall by the window, walked around dizzy and fell out the window to his death. Covered from head to foot in milk and lucky charms that he had still been holding in his hand when he fell,

"My lord should of taken my advise and not eaten sugar" Malfoy sighed


	2. Spikey DOOM!

Disclaimer: I own nothing that comes into this story

Once upon a time, Voldemort had eaten a snickers bar, five chocolate kisses, two Twix bars (peanut butter, not caramel), a vat of triple fudge ripple ice cream, and a bowl of cinnamon crunch floating in (A/N: .ugh.) orange soda. It was the cinnamon crunch that did him in. "WORMTAIL!" Voldemort shrieked before turning back to his TV set, which was (fuzzily) showing a commercial for subway, the one where a cupid shot a old lady and a young punk dude and they start kissing, Voldemort laughed his evil laugh. Wormtail crept into the room, cringing at the maniacal laugh, and asked, "Yes, my lord?"

"We've run out of Cinnamon crunch again! GET ME MORE!" Voldemort demanded loudly without looking up from the TV set.

Wormtail ran out of the room. "Dark Lords should not eat large bowls of sugar." he muttered darkly to himself.

As soon as Wormtail was out of the house, Voldemort jumped up from his seat. "I must run!" he yelled before taking off like a shot. Around and around the house he went, before tripping over his pet snake, hitting a large dusty stained glass window and crashing through it ("Hey, I liked that window! Bad me!"), then landing on a spike in the fence around the house, The end.


	3. Lethal M&Ms

Disclaimer: own nothing we do.

Wormtail walks over to Voldemort's throne, holding a tray of coco puffs, and other candy and sugar "here are your sweets, my lord." Wormtail said nervously.

"Finally. What a horrible housewife you'd make, Wormtail." Voldemort growls, holding out his hands for the tray of pure sugar.

Wormtail shuddering slightly hands him the sugar.

Voldemort snatches the tray, immediately stuffing a handful of M&M's into his mouth. "Now Leave, Wormtail! Out!" Voldemort shrieks, tossing an almond-filled M&M at Wormtail's head.

Wormtail runs out as fast as his small little legs can carry him.

Voldemort snuggles back against his throne, grumbling to himself about horrible minions and their bad minioning.

While gulping his multitude of sugar, Voldemort shoves a handful of M&M's down his throat before gagging, choking and falling out of his chair to twitch on the ground. for you see, he has choked.

Wormtail rushes into the room, to see Voldemort's Death, "MY LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!" and Voldemort dies a horrible gruesome death of lethal M&M's. Poor Voldie… almost feel sorry for him. (Authoress: cackles evilly and starts stabbing Voldemort with a fork)

A/N: my beta reader's idea for the Choking on M&Ms


	4. Voldemort needs a tan

Disclaimer: it pains me to admit it. But I do not own Harry Potter

It was the middle of the night, and Voldemort was walking around, obviously drunk on sugar (again), because 1) he didn't have his wand and 2) he was wobbling like a drunk man, and singing like one too.

"29 bo'les o' coke on deh wall, 29 bo'les o' cooooke." Voldemort sang off- key as he stumbled down the street before hiccuping giddily.

Suddenly a muggle with a big golden cross on a chain, a necklace of garlic and a stake (the wooden kind, not the meaty kind) jumped out from an alleyway, waving the cross at Voldemort. The Dark lord stopped, confused.

"You're a Vampire, ain't yah? You bloody-er-bloodsucker!" The strange muggle yelled, pointing at Voldemort accusingly with the cross before swinging the heavy metal cross around on its chain before bringing it down on Voldemort's head.

The insane muggle ran off shrieking into the night. "I won against a vampire! I won I won!"

Voldemort laid facedown on the roadway, then sat up and stared accusingly at the author. "I didn't die this time!"

A Meteorite fell out of the sky and crushed Voldemort. End.


	5. Dont freeze your brain

Disclaimer: I do not own harry potter or the Jhonny C. guy. Someone who has more skill in writing then me wrote this. I can take no credit for it. The more skillful person wrote it for this story so it is posted here anyway

Voldemort was bored, and out of food. Wormtail was out, trying to get magical supplies, so Voldemort was left to his own. Which was not a good thing.

Finally, Voldemort got bored enough to consider cursing himself, just to see what happened. But something almost magical, if it could be called that, happened. Voldemort heard of a place called a 24/7, and it had snack foods.

So, off Voldemort went, out into the big scary world of scary people that wasn't so scary. He forgot his wand, again, so when he got to the 24/7 he was weaponless. Amazingly enough he hadn't gotten mobbed, robbed or otherwise beaten up.

The bell ringed as Voldemort entered the store, and he looked around. Nobody was really there, except for a strange-looking bloodstained man and the guy behind the counter. The bloodstained guy was currently yelling about a brainfreezy.

"I tell you, something's wrong with the brainfreezy machine! Make my pain end!" the bloodstained guy shrieked at the guy behind the counter, who looked unimpressed.

Voldemort was confused. "What the bloody hell is a brainfreezy?" he asked, and was noticed by the two others in the store. The insane muggle freaked out.

"You DARE deny the might of the brianfreezy! I DON'T LIKE YOU!" Then the insane muggle turned to glare at the other muggle behind the counter, stomping a cloven boot. "And you! You refuse to help my need for cherry DOOM!"

In a second the insane muggle had pulled knives from his boots and stabbed the guy behind the counter to the wall. Then he turned on Voldemort, eye twitching, before lunging and slashing at Voldemort. He missed, and Voldemort shrieked, turning and running out of the 24/7 only to be hit by a car as he ran into the road.

Unseen by the roadkill-Voldemort, the bloodstained muggle walked out of the 24/7 happily as he clutched a cherry popsicle in one hand. The mortal who had caused Voldemort's death was none other than Johnny C., Homicidal Maniac extraordinaire.


	6. When you stuff a rat down the toilet

A/N: I finally updated

Disclaimer: must I repeat it? I do not own it! I swear!

Wormtail sighed. As he walked into the bathroom to get the dark lord's mouth wash. And suddenly he was sucked into the toilet!

Later Voldemort was given news of the toilet incident. But decided to do nothing, and simply went to bed.

"NO! Wormtail! It's not my fault you got sucked into the toilet! I swear! I did not hex the toilet to suck you in and then laugh my head off! Honest!" Voldemort shrieked at the Zombie Wormtail

"It is too late. I must eat your brain!" the Wormtail zombie said. Approaching the terrified Voldemort

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Voldemort shrieked

Voldemort snapped awake "oh. it was only a dream...Eheheheh" he said... ashamed of being afraid of a zombie Wormtail.

"I wouldn't be so sure about THAT" said a voice

"I swear! it wasn't me!" voldemort shrieked. as he backed away.

"Brains! i want brains!" Wormtail yelled

Voldemort screamed as he fell out the window. pausing the screaming to say "your paying to repair this window aren't you?" before he fell onto the spikes of doom mentioned before. and died

END! No wait. What's this. Wormtail is pulling on his face ... and… It's a mask. Lessee who it is... no! I don't believe it...it's...Its...Ginny?

Ginny grinned and said aloud "Zombies don't eat brains"

The End

A/n: And so it was known. That Voldemort true worst fear. Was zombies!. How did Ginny know that?


	7. Voldemort is a terrible potion's master

Disclaimer: I own not Harry potter...and whatever came into this chapter. And this chapter was Written by Redd-cliff-rhapsody, I once again can not take any credit

One horribly sunny day, Voldemort was trying to make a potion that would give him complete control over rabid bunnies. Not one of his followers was quite sure why. It might have been that somehow, Voldemort had actually sat through a Muggle video, something called 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail.' That or he had too many pixie stix.

Anyhow, Voldemort was trying to make this potion, and well. He added quite a few things, humming as he went about brewing. He yelled at anybody who entered the room, which sent Wormtail cowering in the bathroom, Mostly because Wormtail was pitiful. After a while, the potion was done. Voldemort, who had left the potion to brew, was sleeping in the corner, with a teddy bear. The potion exploded a little to signify that it was done, which meant the window shades caught on fire.

Voldemort woke up, sitting up half asleep and pointing at the cauldron, yelling, "I am not afraid to tango!"

Promptly, he fell over and fell back asleep. The potion seemed annoyed, and exploded again, a bit bigger this time. The drapes started to burn faster.

Voldemort took no notice, rolling over in his sleep.

The potion simmered angrily. How dare this imbecile make it, and then completely ignore it? The potion exploded again. The drapes were nearly gone now.

Voldemort jumped up. It looked now more like he was sleepwalking. "WORMTAIL, BRING ME ORANGE SODA!" He shouted before collapsing.

In the bathroom

Wormtail was picking his nose hairs in the mirror. He sighed, hearing Voldemort yell. "Alright, alright..." He grumbled, standing up and walking out of the house.

Back with Voldy dear

The potion would have growled if it had a mouth. It nearly exploded again, but Voldemort said one more thing.

He sat up and pointed at the cauldron accusingly, saying, "You noodles ate my cheese toes!"

The potion was boiling with anger now, steam coming out of its metaphorical ears. It steamed, it boiled, it simmered, it seethed. And then, in a huge explosion of lighthearted blue, Voldemort's house was demolished, him in it.

Outside, Wormtail looked at the house calmly, before running away shrieking, "I didn't do it!"


	8. The eye docters are evil!

Disclaimer: I own it not!

One day, Voldemort went to the eye doctor. And to his astonishment, he needed glasses. So he got the drops in his eyes and couldn't see a thing. Then the doctors told him to pick out a pair of glasses

A red headed doctor in a tight bun and glasses clumsily pushed Voldemort out of the check up room

Voldemort stumbled. And randomly picked out a pair of glasses. Then he went to Wal-Mart and bought some clothes. And then went home.

a few days later. He went to pick up his glasses. He had put on the clothes he got from Wal-Mart. he still couldn't see very well. For a second he wondered why he seemed to be standing on tiptoe. But shook it off.

When he got there. The same red headed doctor faced him in front of a mirror. And handed him the glasses.

Voldemort put them on. And looked in the mirror in shock. He was wearing pink sparkly glasses. Bright red lipstick, a sleeveless very short pink dress, And very high heeled shoes. He literally died of shock.

The red headed doctor grinned. And pulled off her lab coat.

Ginny Weasley was sitting on Luna's shoulders. A bottle of some potion was in Ginny's hand

END

A/N: heheheheee! Ginny tricked Voldemort again!


	9. 68 Years and he can't swim?

Disclaimer: I do not own lord Voldemort or Harry Potter

It was another horribly sunny day. And the death eaters were siting in the gigantic mansion dying of heat. By some miracle, Wormtail had a good idea: he suggested to go swimming.

And so the death eaters and the dark lord all dressed up in they're black swim trunks and jumped in.

Voldemort was in mid-air before he realized that he could not swim

"Oh shi-" Before he went under.

Wormtail noticed that he went under and fished him out, He was unconscious.

"What do we do with him?" Malfoy asked

"I heard that people burn the dead." Wormtail said

The death eaters agreed, and they put Voldy onto a stone tablelike thing with wood piled around it. And lit it. Voldemort jumped up and yelped. Voldemort seemed to not realize he was on fire. Instead he went and picked up a sickle he found on the ground.

End


	10. The short chapter of DOOM!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter 

A/N: in book five Voldemort is 68 years old, I calculated, he was 15 when he opened the chamber, and then he was 65 in COS, then add three more years.

"I'm bored" Voldemort whined

"What do you expect me to do about it? Send the killing curse at a mirror or something" Malfoy said

"Okay, AVADA KADAVERA!" And so Voldemort died

END


	11. Potter Puppet Pals

A/N: Sorry for not updating in so long. I will have no new fanfiction, but I will try to finish some of my old fanfiction

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Potter Puppet Pals.

It had all started innocently enough, Snape had been making a potion under Voldemort's supervision, when Voldemort accidentally knocked a ingredient in, the potion exploded, and when the smoke cleared, they were gone.

Snape looked at himself and wondered what mess up could've caused this… this catastrophe.

He had no legs, or fingers for that matter… he was now a simply drawn, animated handpuppet, of course he didn't know it was animated, but you get the idea.

There came the sound of bullets from the next room of the weird animated puppet stage, he spent a moment attempting to figure out how to move, and then went off towards there, and nearly choked.

There stood a handpuppet version of his three most hated students, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger, standing over a dead Puppet Version of Voldemort.

"What's going on here?" Snape demanded.

"Snape! You're alive!" The Puppet Potter asked.

"So it would seem," Snape said cluelessly.

"We love you Snape!" the Puppet Weasley said in a highpitched voice. The three children crowded over to him and hugged him awkwardly with their puppet arms.

"What? Hey! Hey! Hey, quit that! Oh you kids, I love you too, now please get off me."

"No." Puppet Weasley said brightly.


	12. Death by Shipping crash

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

"You got me a foolish muggle device?" Voldemort said in shock, it was his ressurection-day, and the deatheaters had bought him a computer.

"We already set it up!"

Voldemort sat down at the computer, feeling foolish, he typed in his name.

He blinked, there was fanart about him?

He clicked at one, and died of shock…

The Deatheaters looked over his dead body at the computer screen, and over half of them died of shock as well.

This Fanartist was clearly a Harry/Voldemort shipper.


End file.
